What is submission, as the word is used by English speakers? Well, I think it has both expected and unexpected meanings. Oxford Languages gives two definitions: (1) The act or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person; (2) The act of presenting a proposal, application, or other document for consideration or judgment.
We don't think about the second definition all that often, do we? I have to tell you, as a professional writer I thought about it all the time. 😰🤣 And when you type "submission" into a free photo website, the likes of the above photos are what you get. Let's look at the Merriam-Webster definitions: (1) A legal agreement to accept the decision of an arbiter; (2) The act of offering something for consideration or inspection; (3) An item so submitted (such as a manuscript); (4) The condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant; (5) The act of deferring to the authority or control of another. Britannica Dictionary agrees: submission is offering something for consideration, the item so offered, and the act of accepting another's authority.
Now we have some basic ideas, from both the Greek and the English, of what submission entails. Before we turn to what that might look like in actual marriage, let's study the husband's role. To whom, ideally, are we submitting? The following is a rather lengthy passage, but I will quote it all because of the points it makes:
Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church--for we are members of His body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery--but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband (Ephesians 5:25-32).
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them (Colossians 3:19).
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers (1 Peter 3:7).
I think we should pause here and appreciate just how challenging an assignment the husband has received--and also appreciate that both wife and husband are being asked to give themselves for the other and prefer the other above themselves (Philippians 2:3)--the wife through submission and the husband through self-sacrificial love. If wives were the ones told to "give themselves up for him," would we object to that, too, as being somehow demeaning? I think we would, but this is exactly what is asked of our husbands with regard to us. Are they demeaned by this depth of love? Maybe, sometimes, they are. After all, Christ, the bridegroom, died a humiliating death for his church, the bride. When women claim they are the only ones being asked to take a lowly role, they are short-sighted--and the role isn't all that lowly, anyway. Moving on.
The detailed Ephesians passage explains how marriage mirrors the relationship between Christ and the church, and further states that a man leaves his father and mother and joins to his wife. Though he shares a flesh-and-blood tie with his parents, he is now one flesh with his wife (his primary relationship is now with her, not his family of origin). If he holds anyone other than God ahead of her, he is in the wrong and needs to make that adjustment. His love for her should be characterized by consideration, respect, and carry no harshness, and if not, his prayers might be hindered. His treatment of her is that important.
What this means is that a man worthy of submission doesn't demand submission. It means his wife feels emotionally, physically, and spiritually safe. Submission to a man you can trust to meet your needs and have your back is lightyears easier than when that trust is absent. Yes, it's true that in a covenant relationship such as marriage, each partner is meant to fulfill his or her part whether the other person does or not. This requires great trust in God. But it hardly needs to be said that life will go way, way better if both do, and I would be remiss if I didn't add this:
If you are reading this and you are married to an unrepentant adulterer, an addict who can't or won't stay clean, someone who is abusing you or your children, or someone who requires you to live in habitual sin in some way, either leave (if you safely can) or confide in a trusted person and discuss and pray about next steps. Do not stay in or continue to tolerate an unsafe situation in the name of submission (or for any other reason). Pray for and seek out the help you need.
Okay, but what does/should/can submission actually look like? How do we do it? What does it involve--and not involve? We'll cover that next Monday, in Part 3.
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